I hate to admit it, but I sometimes watch The Girls Next Door. This is the reality television show about Bridget, Holly and Kendra, the three young women (ages 34, 28 and 23, respectively) who live with Hugh Hefner in the Playboy mansion, allegedly filling the roles of live-in girlfriends.

I think it is one of the funniest shows, not in a nonstop guffaw sort of way, but I love watching little background scenes.

Really, what 83 year old man doesn't want to have three beautiful young "blonds" attending to his "needs"? You can't blame the guy for that, and he obviously has the right carrots to dangle. Male readers: Don't even try to tell me you would turn down Hefner's living arrangements, well at least not at age 83.

I also don't have any problem with ladies being interested in financial security. You can call them gold diggers, or whatever, but in reality the majority of women like a man with some earning potential. Many women have a need for financial security and look for a man to help fulfill that need.

But I watched the Valentine's Day episode last night, and I had to laugh at the old geezer selecting gifts for the three live-in ladies of his life - get this - from the official-looking Playboy licensed merchandise catalog. Woo woo! And all of them received identical gifts assembled and (identically) boxed by Hef's personal and ancient, yet spry, secretary.

The biggest concern was how to fit the corporate rabbit-eared cruft into the preselected heart shaped gift boxes. Valentine's Day for Hef's women is apparently the same as receiving a fifth anniversary incentive from your company. So personal, like a Tiffany money clip or engraved lighter or digital clock with company logo. I think he gave Holly, the "main" girlfriend, some additional cheap Disney crap, but really, I would be pissed to get corporate gear and Mickey Mouse shit on Valentine's Day.

In most episodes, Hef walks about pretending like he is interested in the live-in girlfriends. One time, Main Squeeze Holly, who refers to the old codger as "Baby Puffin" bought him some real live peacocks or parrots and he seemed genuinely thrilled. But the interaction with the girls seems completely fake and contrived.

They talk to him and fawn over him and he interjects a fake laugh here and there. And sometimes he refers to some interest of theirs as "cute" and feigns a little interest. It's almost like he is interacting with a trio of gerbils.

The girls go off to Vegas or Alaska and try to make us believe that he cares if they come back the same day (or ever).

Bridget and Holly actually seem intelligent although we can see right through Holly's pretend marriage and baby plotting. Bridget is supposedly still married to her real-life husband.

Kendra seems to have been added for the high potential of girl on girl action, plus it is kind of fun to see Kendra's mom on the show, a woman who looks like she has smoked a few packs a day for most of her life. And call me a prude, but I have never wanted my brother involved in my sex life, and I can imagine Kendra's brother doesn't want her setting him up to "get laid". *shudder*

The whole Kendra wanting to help her little pseudo gangsta brother get laid thing reminded me of a girl I used to know back in California. One time, after a night of clubbing, we went back to hang out at her apartment and she shared with me (a) some awesome homemade bread and butter pickles that her mother had sent to her from South Carolina, and (b) an XXX rated birthday card featuring a porno picture of a guy, sent to her by her brother. That scarred me!

If I had to be one of the three, I would definitely be Bridget. She has some curves, and an IQ of substance and a degree or two.

And, at 34, she looks smokin' hot in a sequined bikini!