Have you heard the Tide with a touch of Downey commercial?

That is so annoying! Ohmygosh, take a look at it!

There is a lady, she must be a slave or something as she has that vacant mom look about her. The commercial asks, "Do you ever wish your kids would do just a little more?" There is some happy-crap whistling-working type music in the background...

And, the kids run out of the house leaving a huge mess on the table.

Cue the vacant look... and the whistling music...

Do you ever wish that hubby would do a little more?

And then show something that hubby maybe ought to do.

Cue the vacant look...

...whistling music... vacant vacuous cow-to-the-slaughter look...

What about Fido?

Cue the vacant look but maybe there is a connection there...

Maybe if you told the darned kids to clean up their mess... naw, that is just nuts... just remain mute and clean up after them! That makes for good citizens after all...

The other night, David and I were on our nightly 2.1 mile evening constitutional.

For those of you who don't frequent dictionary.com, that is a walk, of sorts. Snicker away!

Anyway, we found a snake in the gutter, unable to slither (that is what snakes do, FYI) up the curb. David and I decided he was a very poisonous snake. Yet, petite!

David tried to hit him with a PennySaver publication in a bag. But that did no good. This little snake just coiled and struck out mercilessly with his big fangs.

We walked home briskly, and assembled a really good snake-hunting kit: a car, a Blue Bunny rainbow sherbet container with snap-on lid, a FedEx envelope, a ducky-shaped cutting board and a pair of leather gloves.

We brought it all home and transferred the snake into an old beta jar. It was one of those big gallon-sized jobs. We covered it with that useless Glad Press N Seal junk.

You know what that damned snake did? It creeped us out by standing upright like Gary Larson snakes always do. Like a ruler.

Then, we found out that it was a plain ol' harmless Texas Brown Snake and let it loose in our back yard. But we told the neighbor boy that it was really big and that we let it loose in his yard. Just for fun.

This is a sign adjacent to a street in our subdivision.

What does it mean?

Are there children who lag and lounge about lazily on this street? Sloth-like children with moss collecting on their backs? That can't be what this sign means, as the kid on the sign looks like he's running pretty fast. More like FAST Children Playing. Perhaps using a race-car type of font!

Hmmm. Maybe they mean that other kind of slow. Hey! I don't think that's very nice at all!

Especially since most of the "slow" kids seem to be on the next block over. At least that's my opinion.

I had posted before of my irritation with Berkeley Nutraceuticals, the makers of Enzyte, Altovis, Avlimil, and various other useless vitamins and minerals.

I even mentioned how I'd turned off CourtTV as a result of this advertising nonsense!

As a result of this blog, I've even received inquiries from ripped-off Berkeley Nutraceutical customers asking how they can get their money back from these crooks.

As quickly as Smilin' Bob appeared, he has now disappeared off the face of daytime television, along with his Avlimil and Altovis cohorts.

Good riddance, and kudos to the Ohio Attorney General's office!

No complaining here!

No ma'am.

More happy, positive thoughts:

Who can complain about a barrel of kitties!

"I know it must be hard for news agencies to report on someone being shot in the ass. I don't think there are many ways to say "shot in the ass" without offending or sounding ridiculous...so I suppose I shouldn't laugh so hard..."

Okay, July 2004 aint so bad either: Mandapants

In airline travel, or any regulated or social setting, there are expressed rules, and then there are implied rules.

I've already mentioned our somewhat recent American Airlines flight from Dallas to Boston, featuring the F*#%ing Bistro Bag.

The flight to Boston wasn't so bad, but coming back to Dallas was a doozy. Some of our fellow passengers were interesting, to say the least. See if you can guess which type of rule, implied or expressed, was violated during this flight.

In chronological order:

1. The couple across the aisle from us had a cute little baby. While taxiing for takeoff, the couple removed the baby from the strapped in car seat to change poopy diaper in front of everyone. If we crash during takeoff, the last thing I want on me is baby poop.

2. Cute Baby's Mom didn't turn off her cell phone and had to be told individually by the flight attendant to put her tray table up. Hello!

3. While in flight, Cute Baby's Mom watched a DVD movie on her laptop with her mouse pointer in the middle of the screen the entire time! Stop it!

4. Feeding time: I kid you not, Cute Baby's Mom whipped out a booby twice during the flight.

5. Across the aisle and one row behind us, Mr. Important Businessman was playing some tetris-looking game on his large shoebox-sized antique cell phone during the frigging flight. I saw this with my own two eyes while coming back from the bathroom. The flight attendant asked, "That thing isn't ON, is it?" "Not now" he replied. Flight attendant asked, "Was it on?!?" Mr. Important Businessman replied, "It's a computer".

6. While on descent into DFW, Mr. Oblivious Moron one row in front of us had to be specially told to secure his belongings. He stands up, opens the overhead compartment, opens up his baggage and puts his book away. Then, he leans down and picks up his laptop and stows that away up above. Then, just when you thought he couldn't have anymore crap spread about the airplane, and with the overhead compartment still open, he picks up a bunch of CDs and starts alphabetizing them to file in his stowed bag.

Upon landing and taxiing, Mr. Important Businessman started blabbing on his huge cell phone and Mrs. Cute Baby's Mom whipped out the other breast.

Let me off of this ship of fools.

If you google "Herd of Biscuits", you'll find a really great blog. Or, you can just click here for Mandapants.

I like this blog immensely, especially the archives going back to 2001 and 2002, but in spite of the name similarity, it isn't me.

It is, however, home of one of the greatest blog quotes of all time:

"If your cats are sitting on the floor at your feet while you type at the computer, it’s quite funny to call them your “herd of biscuits.” Let’s forget for a moment that two animals are not really considered a herd…"

Someone posted an anonymous complaint on my blog. I accidentally deleted it, but basically it said, "All you do is complain...", but in a nice way.

So, in the interest of making everyone happy, here is a cute picture of a puppy.

Stay tuned for pictures of cute kitties and flowers.

Now, back to our regularly scheduled griping...

I really identified with Bob's xtreme citrus.

While I was out for my morning constitutional 'round the neighborhood, I spotted this EXTREME basketball hoop.

What is extreme about it? Is it made of extreme pressboard? Was it extremely expensive? It is situated extremely in the street, so I suppose it is extremely breaking some extreme law, but other than that it seems to be extremely similar to every other extremely portable basketball hoop in the neighborhood, even in that it is extremely unused.

I could probably steal this in the extreme darkness of night and it would be an extremely long time before anyone noticed.