Here's another pic that I called YattaYattaChickenPic.jpg

Go Megan!

Go Canada!

I was in the new Mo'Kinney WalMart Supercenter last night. I'll explain all that later. But while waiting in the customer service crap return line, I saw this.

It's a little girls' bike, and the "theme" is Slumber Party.

When I was a kid, "Slumber Party" meant that we would go to some other girl's house and act like little girl donkeys, while eating pizza rolls and watching PG rated movies and singing along to soundtracks from Grease and disco records. Eventually, we'd all fall asleep.

 Sometimes a slumber party meant freezing another girl's bra and eating someone's mom's diabetic candy (the candy was my idea). I remember girls waiting for me to fall almost asleep and asking me who I had a crush on while dropping my hand into a bowl of warm water. How anticlimactic that I had a crush on someone named "Guy". How generic can you get?

Apparently, now "SlumberParty" means that you ride your bike out into the night full of pedophiles. At least if someone tries to grab you, like LD said the other day, "I can use my bike as a weapon to throw at him".

What I told LD is that if someone tries to grab her off her bike, I will kill that person with our lawn mower or weedwacker since I am usually out there doing the yard while LD is thinking she is free of my watchful, evil lawncare eye.

Maybe groups of young girls ride their SlumberParty bikes into the sunset like transport for so many biker gang members.

I used to have a 1976 Captain Fantastic pinball machine. Pinball machines used to have a wide variety of themes, I guess like kids bikes of today. That's the only other place I can remotely imagine seeing the theme of "SlumberParty".

I think the "Slumber Party" pinball machine would have a picture of girls with big boobs in bikini tops and fluffy high heeled slippers having a pillow fight.

Kids and bikes: they ain't what they used to be.

Not quite a Virgin Mary crying real tears in a bathtub grotto (ask me about Roadside America later), but while slicing a frozen block of mozarella with one of those wire cheese cutters earlier earlier tonight, this happened. 

God must be smiling on Texas for something like this to occur.

I'll admit that I stabbed part of Oklahoma with a toothpick and ate it, but basically, God gave us this cool piece o'cheese.

Chim Chim, the ancient black gerbil, ate the evidence, so don't come beating a path to our back door right now.

I saw this in a major pet store chain's advertisement, and after reading about it, I wonder who in the world would want one.

It's a frog. A fourteen dollar frog.  And, it is cute,and it has a cute name: Pacman Frog!

Save on the baby size, the ad states. Does that mean it eats babies?

Also mentioned: this frog will eat anything that crosses its path (like your dog, or a spare brisket perhaps).

Always house alone, it states, and I think we can figure out why since it is half mouth and half stomach and eats mice, goldfish, and even its own kind, given the opportunity.

I read about one Pacman frog who actually ate a marble. It came out the other end. Wow! Ow!

Now, I'm hungry!

Shame, shame, shame.

Google these guys and before you even get to their actual company website, you'll see the complaints about them. The Rip Off Report. BadDealings.com. The FDA even has a sponsored link regarding complaining about such companies. There is even a class action suit a-brewing!

The rub is that Berkeley offers free samples for all these products, and then enrolls you in a "managed care" program. You get all these products auto-shipped and auto-billed right to your doorstep! And they aren't cheap. And it isn't easy to get out of it either, if you read the complaints.

Lovely.

I knew this company had problems. So it absolutely floors me the amount of money they have available to spend pelting me with glossy TV advertisements 24/7. Especially on CourtTV. I have actually turned off CourtTV because of this! Yes, CourtTV!

Avlimil for the ladies. Enzyte for the guys. Altovis for fatigue. Dromias for the sleep-impaired (more on that one later). Suvaril for weight gain (as usual, it's not your fault). Pinadol for stress (and if you are the office oaf). Rogisen so you can see at night, you old coot (and why haven't you fallen, and can't get up)! Berkeley Nutraceuticals is the yatta yatta of vitamins.

Avlimil is just stupid. "Even when I was in the mood, I was just too tired," the commercial states. That makes no sense. If you are too tired, you aren't going to be in the mood. And, if you read the ingredients of Avlimil (see the website), you can probably get the same results by eating a bunch of leaves and berries. I guess forest animals are often in the mood. If Americans want women to be "in the mood", American women should become stay-at-home wives. Whoa! Who let June Cleaver out?!? Just for that crack, I think I will wear a dress and heels while I do the housework tomorrow.

Enzyte! Smilin' Bob. Another example of how men are all big jokes according to the television.

Then we depart from the gender-specific line.

Dromias is for people who can't sleep. But, they have two commercials that they play back to back. Over and over and over... One is dignified and for the ladies. It is so plain that I can't even describe it at the moment. The other shows an overweight clumsy man who didn't get enough sleep, again, dumbass,  and so puts his shirt on backwards, pours hot water into a jar of instant coffee, and eats cat food instead of cereal. There is clownish music in the background with a complaining cat sound when he pours milk on the cat food. His wife and child let him do all these things, all the while just shaking their heads in disgust at this poor excuse for a human being. As usual on American TV, the man is an idiot and the whole family accepts this.

According to the Berkeley website, Dromias is Valerian Root and Jujube extract. I can get the Valerian Root at WalMart or Whole Foods for, like $4. Jujubes I can get at the drive in theater, or even Walgreens if it is 3:00 a.m. and I am still sleepy.

One thing that I find to be an interesting tell-tale trademark of Berkeley is their packaging. It all looks amazingly like oral contraceptives! Little attractive colorful packs of colorful pills that let you push a brightly-colored tablet through foil once or twice daily. And I think they would like for you to think you are buying medicine instead of leaves and bark and road gravel.

It's all flash and no substance. And a class action suit to boot!

I thought this one was kind fun, for those of you who are following this series.

I'm kind of old, my first car was a Pinto. So this is a really cool pic! It was on the young lady's site for a while.

Heh!

Moggie (noun):
A feline of undistinguished type and manners, the cat equivalent of a mongrel dog, but in general usage a pet name for any domesticated cat.

I've been researching cat repellents on the internet.

I swear, I do like animals, even the highly mobile, roving, nocturnal, yowling carnivorous type. But...

There is a cat that likes to hang out in our yard. The little beast leaves abundant evidence of this in the form of a cat poop pancake (yes, I think this particular cat needs his food tweaked, because I did write pancake and not Tootsie Roll). We can usually count on cat poop right where one would walk or frolic, in the middle of the grass, and never (that we've seen) in the flower beds.

Anyway, there are lots of cat repellent ideas out there, ranging from items found in any well-stocked larder, to full-on chemical assaults. Here is a sampling:
1.  Sprayable urine of carnivorous animals higher up the food chain, a la foxes and coyotes
2. Sprayable skunk aroma (seems like a good thing to have as a practical joke item)
3. Motion detecting sprinklers (also a good item for more than just cats)
4. Crushed red or cayenne pepper (NOT cool as a cat will actually scratch its eyes out if it manages to get the pepper in its eyes)
5. Jars of ammonia left about (stinky)

Then there was my idea (we can call this #6):
Trap and relocate the fluffy bastard - er, cat - to LD's mom's place. They already feed about two dozen feral cats that live and breed under their porch, so what would be the harm in one more moggie? Would they even notice? But, since LD's mom lives less than half a mile away, the cat would find its way back for sure. I'd give it three hours, maximum and it would have extra gifts for us too, following that stunt.

"Let's take the cat to Waco," was the partial thought that came out of my mouth (we were considering going there this week to see the Dr. Pepper museum and to try out a new drive-in theater).

What I meant was to take the cat to Waco and back, and then release it at LD's mom's in order to thoroughly confuse the poor animal. But David was laughing too hard at my perceived evilness.

But, he didn't say no to the Waco idea. Hmmm...

Another time, I had the urge to call this animated GIF file of someone getting sick "YattaYattaChickenPic.jpg", so I did!

I left this up for several days.

No one seemed to notice. I laughed a lot to myself though.

The hit counter on the young lady's site suggested that people were looking. I know I was!

Tee hee!

David made a little JPG using words, and called it "YattaYattaChickenPic.jpg". So the young lady's profile looked like this for a while.

See if you can guess which words David added to take the place of the chicken picture! No points for guessing right - this time, at least.

So, an 18 year old young lady with an account on a social web forum up in Canada decided that my chicken pic would be great for her profile page.

She had it on a list of things she really liked, like dancing and certain sports and music personalities. She had lots of stolen pictures there.

She linked her profile to my picture. She basically said, using code, "look at the file on BrennerWorld called "YattaYattaChickenPic.jpg".

Today, that file might look like the picture above, but tomorrow, I can take any picture I want and give it that name.

So, tomorrow, "YattaYattaChickenPic.jpg" could look like this:

It all depends upon what I name "YattaYattaChickenPic.jpg".

And, yes, I did name the Tampax picture "YattaYattaChickenPic.jpg", and yes, that picture was on her site for a while. Right in the middle of pictures of lots of things she things are cool.

She didn't seem to notice!