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View Article  When lower rungs on the food chain collide

A few weeks ago I was out for a walk through our neighborhood, full of small suburban yards and predictable facades. One nice thing we do have is some remnant wildlife.

When man moves into an area, the upper rungs of the food ladder, the carnivores, disappear. I just made up that fact, right now.

Next go the omnivores, except for rats and mice, who never go away.

What remains, for a while anyway, are the lowest of the food chain, the herbivores. And, of course, possums, because cars full of teens and rednecks have to aim for something at night.

So I was amused by a little vignette where during my walk, I spotted a rabbit, and he spied me. He froze, motionless, for a while, then bolted in between two houses.

At that exact moment, a squirrel was walking down the fence in between the houses, face first, in that weird way in which they defy gravity.

The two met.

The rabbit did an about face so fast that it was imperceptible to the naked human eye, and doubled back from between the houses at the speed of light.

The squirrel did an equally imperceptible change of direction, back up the fence, and launched itself over the fence head over heels into the air. Picture taking a soaking wet washcloth by the corner and flinging it high into the air, with that 1970s Bionic Woman sound effect in the background. That is what I saw and heard!

Maybe you had to be there.

View Article  Cortislim: Lose that "meaningless weight"

I don't know what "meaningless weight" is, do you?

Have you ever seen Dr. Greg Cynaumon hawking his Cortaslim on TV?

He advises to "stop weighing yourself everyday - you'll make yourself crazy." Then he says that those other diets just make you lose "meaningless weight".

At first we thought he was saying "nameless weight". It just made zero sense. All weight has a name: blubber, water, beer gut, and so on! But then we figured out what the heck he was saying.

I don't have anything on my body that I would call "meaningless weight". All my weight means something to me. It may mean that I ate too much ice cream or too much creme brulee. Maybe I was into the cheese, butter and salami again. Although I would be glad to lose an extra leg, arm or butt cheek (or if I had an extra head) or something to fit in a size 7 again, I wouldn't call any current body parts "meaningless".

From what I've read on internet searches, Dr. Cynaumon used to be a police officer and bought a diploma from a nonexistent school, but what do I know? It is just what I've read.

Isn't Cynaumon a weird name, by the way?

Someone asked me if I actually try any of these products I gripe about. Well of course not! It just boggles my mind what the American public will believe!