Today, my dear friend messaged me regarding her harried lunch hour. I hate that so many of us women are caught up in the vicious circle of eating mindgames, yet I find some comfort in having company, someone to talk with about such things.
Until I started writing in this section of Brennerworld, I don't think this friend and I had really talked too much about weight. But really, it is that rhinocerous in the middle of the room, the one everyone ignores.
Following is the edited chat log. The italics are my own "enlightened" two cents added after the fact, and were not part of the chat session.
JANE65: I had to return a movie to "The Red Box". It's a DVD rental box outside of McD's and is only $1/night. Anyhoo...I returned it and got a whiff of french fries. That was my first mistake.
What, smelling food that you enjoy is a big mistake? I think your first mistake, my first mistake, took place years ago. Was the first mistake going on that first diet? Or was the first mistake us believing that our bodies were defective and needed to be changed?
JANE65: The next thing I know...I'm driving off eating a cheeseburger happy meal, french fries, a Diet Coke and last but of course, not least!
JANE65: A small chocolate shake.
Whenever I've been in this situation, it seems that a small "failure" blows the day. Not that having some fries (or any other food, really) constitutes a failure other that a failure to deprive onesself of something they want. So if I am going to get the fries, I may as well get the cheeseburger and the drink that comes with it, plus a chocolate shake. I've already blown it, right?
Furthermore, the whole happy meal/value meal concept is ridiculous. These meals are a great value for the restaurants, but not for us. They sell more high profit margin foods (especially the soft drinks, which cost them a few cents) and meanwhile they condition you that ordering lunch is a mindless task: Sandwich fries coke, Sandwich fries coke... and then let's add on the mindless "supersizing" for a mere 49 cents more. 49 cents for food you don't really have room for, and after the first few bites you won't taste it anyway. It's mindless cramming.
And, we are teaching our children the same thing by buying them these happy meals.
We dieters know that while having a happy meal is not necessarily the ideal lunch, the guilt and self-abuse which follows is much milder than if we had purchased an adult meal.
JANE65: FF and chocolate shakes are the BEST BABY!
BrennerWorld: Did you dip the fries in the shake?
JANE65: I did.
This is a strange concept to my husband. I just wanted to share that.
JANE65: I'm joking around but I really felt guilty afterward. Like, why didn't I eat healthier? Why didn't I at least pick a grilled chicken sandwich or just forget the chocolate shake all together?
JANE65: It's so damn good!
BrennerWorld: I will say you probably didn't get the chicken sandwich because you wanted a burger.
JANE65: Not really. I wanted fries
JANE65: I didn't want a lot and I HATE chicken nuggets!
JANE65: So...I got a cheeseburger happy meal. Not a Big Kids meal - just the Happy Meal.
BrennerWorld: Why didn't you just get the fries if you wanted fries?
JANE65: That's where the guilt comes in! WHY!?
Hmmmm... I know why I don't usually pick the grilled chicken sandwich anymore. Because it doesn't taste as good as the burger. And it usually costs more at the fast food restaurant. And why didn't you forget the chocolate shake? I know it is hard for me to forget the "good tasting" part of the meal.
What I am learning at the tender age of 41 is that I can eat whatever I want. Normal people do that. And if they do that for a period of time, and listen to what their body craves, then they will look normal. It is the mindless starving, depriving, fast-food mentality stuffing that is causing us to be fat.
If french fries are what you wanted, you could get fries. That may not be a "legitimate" meal by drive-through restaurant standards, but if that is what your body wants, there is no harm. You could even add a chocolate shake to your fries and as long as you stopped when you were full, you would likely do your body no harm.
JANE65: I didn't even enjoy the burger but you know I ate it!
JANE65: Stupid.
BrennerWorld: If you bought it and didn't want it and wised up afterwards, you could have thrown it away
JANE65: Right again.
JANE65: But I didn't. Because that is wasting food and 50 starving African children could eat for a week off that one burger!
JANE65: :-!
BrennerWorld: And how much was it?
JANE65: The entire meal was $2 and some change Isn't it amazing what we will do to ourselves for a couple of bucks. I know that in the past, I've given in to urges and eaten too much, or eaten food I didn't really want because it was there. That's exactly how I ended up like this. I actually have thoughts like this: Oh, smell the fries... but I shouldn't have fries. Okay, I've been working so hard, I am having one of "those" days, I will get some fries. In fact, I will get a happy meal. Oh, man, I am such a loser. Fries are bad. I am already screwing up, and for just a few coins more I can get a happy meal... I've already blown the day, I'll be "good" tomorrow. You know what sounds really good? A chocolate shake. You fat cow. Yeah, now I am full but so what? I'm fat and out of control and I am going to be "good" tomorrow and never eat fries again. And I will talk this way to myself because I don't want to waste two dollars. Would I allow anyone else to talk to me like that for two dollars? Five dollars? More? How about twenty dollars? I hope that my dear friend has some thoughts to add to this soon. She may not agree with what I have said at all, but I really appreciated her food experience.