I cannot remember a time since adolescence when I didn't think I was fat. Perhaps it was to my detriment that I befriended a "skinny" girl in what is now called "middle school".

Kim was very thin, and naturally so, perhaps a size one or three. Her mother was the same. They weren't toned or cardiovascularly superior, in fact they both smoked (as did I), but they were never people who I would term "robust".

Anyway, looking back at pictures of me, I think how nice it would be to be that size again. But, would I want to have the same mindset again? Heck no. I can honestly say that although I can, in retrospect, see myself as normal in size, I was in the same prison then as I am now.

I used to have dreams where my body switched rapidly back and forth from a bloated, thick figure to a thin figure, almost like a pulsing, blinking neon. This distortion of self began in high school, I would guess, and was very confusing.

First of all, what it is:
Overcoming Overeating is a book by authors Jane R. Hirschmann and Carol H. Munter. It is a book about eating, and learning to live with one's own body, whatever size it may be. It is about eating what you want. It is about living normally. It is about freedom from the misery of compulsive overeating. It is controversial. It takes effort and a bit of faith.

What it is not:
It is not a diet book. It is not an exercise book. It is not a proponent of calorie counting, low carb, high carb, South Beach or Atkins. It is not even so much about losing weight, as it is about eating normally.

I found this book towards the end of 2005. After watching an episode of Intervention on A&E where a compulsive overeater was featured, I went searching on the internet for some sort of solution. It was then that I happened upon this book.

I was headed towards a gastric procedure known as Lap-Band at the time, but I knew in my heart that a physical food barrier would not make me a happy person. In my heart, all I wanted was to be normal.

This is the first method I've encountered that offers the hope of normalcy, rather than the promise of success or failure based solely on my level of obsession, be that obsession with food restriction, exercise, or 12-step groups. Or even all three!

Now, before I get flamed, if any of the above work for you, then great. I've even had temporary success with each of the above. I also have experienced misery with each of the above.

My purpose in blogging this experience is to have an outlet for my thoughts and feelings and how they affect my eating. It is also my hope to find others out there who may be looking into this "program" (for lack of a better word) and to perhaps share experiences.

There is a Yahoo Groups community for Overcoming Overeating, but I find the Yahoo thread setup to be maddening and completely frustrating. Also, I did not seem to have the same feelings as many in that group. Perhaps I am the odd one out but I just didn't seem to have many "issues" to discuss. Perhaps I haven't done enough soul-searching but then again I'm not going to expend a lot of effort looking for negative things that don't really want to come up.

So anyway, it is my hope to come here regularly and share these feelings with whomever wants to read them. And anyone can leave a comment if they'd like, it can be supportive or not. Anyone who knows me knows I don't mind a good debate from time to time.

So there's my intro!