Recently on A&E, a short series aired. I Can Make You Thin is a program (or programme, in Paul's homeland) where this motivational hypnotist uses mind programming and behavior modification techniques to help people lose weight.

I won't argue with Paul's techniques. After all, they work. Eat less. Eat when hungry, stop when full. Don't eat for emotional reasons. Don't shoot to be model thin. All that makes 100% sense.

The weird and very sad thing is that people think that this common sense is a diet.

Paul McKenna has a message board on his website. People who most likely were birthed by second or third generation serial dieters ask questions such as:

"I'm overweight now. Do I need to go on a diet and lose weight before I start Paul's program?"
The answer is no, you do not have to lose weight before you start eating  when you are hungry and stopping when you are full.

"I'm pregnant. Can I use Paul's diet?"
The answer is yes, you can eat when you are hungry and stop when you are full, while pregnant.

It is so sad that people have gotten so out of whack with what eating is all about. It isn't a game of trading off these calories for a diet soda, or how many artificially sweetened products can I substitute for regular. It isn't about getting the most food for the least money. It is about feeding our bodies.

The saddest thing is that there are more and more people who are using food as a drug. I know I do, especially in the middle of the night when I feel alone, and another day has passed where I didn't do what I wanted to do. I can start it all over tomorrow after all, be it housework, or writing, or a dream, or healthy eating habits. Or exercise.

You get the picture.

Last weekend, we went out to eat at one of our favorite local restaurants. They have strong coffee and eclectic foods.

LD was with us. Keep in mind that although small for her age, she is 11 now and in middle school.

So we arrived at the restaurant and waited to be seated. The hostess quickly grabbed some regular menus and a "kids' menu". She seated us with two adult menus and the kids' menu and walked off briskly before I could say anything about LD not needing a kids' menu.

The "kids' menu" is a plastic toy with some colorful beads that travel along a wire, and also there is a stylus and a small doodling surface. On the back side there is a small selection of cheap meals for kids, mostly of the yellow/beige food group.

So I stood up and put the "kids' menu" back in the bin and got a "real menu" for LD. Our waiter came and took our drink order. I clarified for him that LD would have a regular "adult" soft drink. She is 11, after all, and doesn't need a small plastic cup with a lid on it. She outgrew "sippy" cups long ago.

LD took a while to pick what she wanted. Our first waiter seemed to have some sort of crisis, so the hostess came back to take our order.

LD ordered the grilled cheese from the large bead and doodle-free adult menu. The adult grilled cheese includes five cheeses including cheddar, swiss, asiago, etc. and LD is a cheese afficianado. It is also about $7. So the hostess/waitress confirms that she wants a "KIDS' grilled cheese".

"No, she wants an ADULT grilled cheese."

And that is what she ended up getting, and she liked it.

Two other families ate near us, and both those families (with much younger children) ate from the children's menu. Both families selected pancakes for their children. The pancake meal was huge, and undoubtedly a great value. It even came with a cup of fruit. One of the families even split the pancake meal between their two children.

But of all the things that the restaurant has on the menu, the beige food is what makes its way to the kids. Pancakes. Chicken nuggets. Macaroni and cheese.

Tell me, why would a child not enjoy soup in a bread bowl? Or a crepe with chicken? A grilled cheese with five cheeses on hearty bread? A chicken breast or piece of fish with some nice sides? Why are these things not on the kids' menu?

What if you went out to dinner for a first date, and your date said, "You can have anything on the menu that is $2.99 or less."

People, that is what we are saying to our kids when we let them select from the kids' menu. Stop telling our kids that they are worth three dollars while we are worth thirteen. Or twenty. Or fifty. Let them eat what we eat.

Another sad thing is that kids are not used to, nor are they expected to, sit down and talk to others while they eat. When we arrive at a restaurant, our kids shouldn't need crayons and puzzles to keep them busy while we socialize. We should be socializing to include the kids. We should be socializing to include everyone at the table. Instead, we order our $20 entrees and talk amongst ourselves while we expect the kids to be happy with a $3 meal and a crayon.

Shame on us.

I've been watching these commercials long enough, now I have to say something.

NutriSystem is the weight loss plan where you order all your food from them, and you even get a week free with the first month's order. I think you pay about $10 per day, according to the television commercial.

I just don't get it - how does someone else making all your food decisions - which you are expected to do with NutriSystem - teach you to eat right? Are you expected to buy all your food from them until the end of time?

The commercials are sad and pathetic. This woman who looks like Zora on that reality TV show comes on and says, basically, what Zora says. "I love chocolate... And any diet that lets me eat chocolate everyday..."

Yes, but it isn't a flamin' Cadbury fruit and nut bar or a Special Dark, it is a stupid NutriSystem chunk'o'cake.

This woman says, "I got my life back". And the husband says, "I got my wife back..." Did his wife leave him or something? Did she fall in the creek?

My husband might someday say, "I have been to hell and back with my wife regarding her weight", but he has never, ever, lost me.

A new reader asked my opinion what the difference is between overeating and bingeing. I suppose it depends on the person, but in my opinion:

Overeating:
Eating beyond full, eating when one is not hungry. Eating based on amount served rather than satisfaction.
Example: Tonight, we ate out. My dinner included half a sandwich, a bowl of French onion soup and a baguette. I ate all my soup and then all my sandwich. I wasn't uncomfortable, but I ate more than I needed to. The soup would have been enough but the sandwich looked so good.

Bingeing:
Eating large quantities in a small time frame. Eating to the point of discomfort or sickness. Usually during a binge, what is being eaten is secondary to the mere act of eating.
Example: Yesterday, I didn't set aside time to eat at the table, instead eating at the computer. I mindlessly ate some soup, then some trail mix, then five corn tortillas with some melted cheese, and two brownies. Then I had two little rolls of Smarties. I felt ill before I stopped eating, and when I laid down for a nap afterward, the acid was overwhelming.

That is how I differentiate between the two, anyway.

Today, my dear friend messaged me regarding her harried lunch hour. I hate that so many of us women are caught up in the vicious circle of eating mindgames, yet I find some comfort in having company, someone to talk with about such things.

Until I started writing in this section of Brennerworld, I don't think this friend and I had really talked too much about weight. But really, it is that rhinocerous in the middle of the room, the one everyone ignores.

Following is the edited chat log. The italics are my own "enlightened" two cents added after the fact, and were not part of the chat session.

JANE65: I had to return a movie to "The Red Box". It's a DVD rental box outside of McD's and is only $1/night. Anyhoo...I returned it and got a whiff of french fries. That was my first mistake.

What, smelling food that you enjoy is a big mistake? I think your first mistake, my first mistake, took place years ago. Was the first mistake going on that first diet? Or was the first mistake us believing that our bodies were defective and needed to be changed? 

JANE65: The next thing I know...I'm driving off eating a cheeseburger happy meal, french fries, a Diet Coke and last but of course, not least!

JANE65: A small chocolate shake.

Whenever I've been in this situation, it seems that a small "failure" blows the day. Not that having some fries (or any other food, really) constitutes a failure other that a failure to deprive onesself of something they want. So if I am going to get the fries, I may as well get the cheeseburger and the drink that comes with it, plus a chocolate shake. I've already blown it, right?

Furthermore, the whole happy meal/value meal concept is ridiculous. These meals are a great value for the restaurants, but not for us. They sell more high profit margin foods (especially the soft drinks, which cost them a few cents) and meanwhile they condition you that ordering lunch is a mindless task: Sandwich fries coke, Sandwich fries coke... and then let's add on the mindless "supersizing" for a mere 49 cents more. 49 cents for food you don't really have room for, and after the first few bites you won't taste it anyway. It's mindless cramming.

And, we are teaching our children the same thing by buying them these happy meals.

We dieters know that while having a happy meal is not necessarily the ideal lunch, the guilt and self-abuse which follows is much milder than if we had purchased an adult meal.

JANE65: FF and chocolate shakes are the BEST BABY!

BrennerWorld: Did you dip the fries in the shake?

JANE65: I did.

This is a strange concept to my husband. I just wanted to share that.

JANE65: I'm joking around but I really felt guilty afterward. Like, why didn't I eat healthier? Why didn't I at least pick a grilled chicken sandwich or just forget the chocolate shake all together?

JANE65: It's so damn good!

BrennerWorld: I will say you probably didn't get the chicken sandwich because you wanted a burger.

JANE65: Not really. I wanted fries

JANE65: I didn't want a lot and I HATE chicken nuggets!

JANE65: So...I got a cheeseburger happy meal. Not a Big Kids meal - just the Happy Meal.

BrennerWorld: Why didn't you just get the fries if you wanted fries?

JANE65: That's where the guilt comes in! WHY!?

Hmmmm... I know why I don't usually pick the grilled chicken sandwich anymore. Because it doesn't taste as good as the burger. And it usually costs more at the fast food restaurant. And why didn't you forget the chocolate shake? I know it is hard for me to forget the "good tasting" part of the meal.

What I am learning at the tender age of 41 is that I can eat whatever I want. Normal people do that. And if they do that for a period of time, and listen to what their body craves, then they will look normal. It is the mindless starving, depriving, fast-food mentality stuffing that is causing us to be fat.

If french fries are what you wanted, you could get fries. That may not be a "legitimate" meal by drive-through restaurant standards, but if that is what your body wants, there is no harm. You could even add a chocolate shake to your fries and as long as you stopped when you were full, you would likely do your body no harm.

JANE65: I didn't even enjoy the burger but you know I ate it!

JANE65: Stupid.

BrennerWorld: If you bought it and didn't want it and wised up afterwards, you could have thrown it away

JANE65: Right again.

JANE65: But I didn't. Because that is wasting food and 50 starving African children could eat for a week off that one burger!

JANE65: :-!

BrennerWorld: And how much was it?

JANE65: The entire meal was $2 and some change

Isn't it amazing what we will do to ourselves for a couple of bucks. I know that in the past, I've given in to urges and eaten too much, or eaten food I didn't really want because it was there. That's exactly how I ended up like this.

I actually have thoughts like this: Oh, smell the fries... but I shouldn't have fries. Okay, I've been working so hard, I am having one of "those" days, I will get some fries. In fact, I will get a happy meal. Oh, man, I am such a loser. Fries are bad. I am already screwing up, and for just a few coins more I can get a happy meal... I've already blown the day, I'll be "good" tomorrow. You know what sounds really good? A chocolate shake. You fat cow. Yeah, now I am full but so what? I'm fat and out of control and I am going to be "good" tomorrow and never eat fries again.

And I will talk this way to myself because I don't want to waste two dollars. Would I allow anyone else to talk to me like that for two dollars? Five dollars? More? How about twenty dollars?

I hope that my dear friend has some thoughts to add to this soon. She may not agree with what I have said at all, but I really appreciated her food experience.

I smoked for a long time. I would say that I was addicted to cigarettes and smoked compulsively. I "quit" several times before it "stuck".

One of the things that I had read, and found to be very true in practice, is that everytime a smoker outlasts a craving, the next craving will be that much weaker. So if you crave a cigarette every seven minutes and you resist, the next craving will come at ten minutes... fifteen minutes... two hours... etc.

I wonder if compulsive eating is the same. If I can get through it tonight, will it be a little easier tomorrow, as long as I don't do it again?

What is the difference between cigarettes and food in that regard?

Did I actually ask that? Am I actually able to differentiate after months of trying to listen to my body, eating from mouth hunger vs. eating from stomach hunger?

Crap, who knows. The roast is still in the fridge so the night isn't over yet.

There isn't one.

I used to be associated with an organization for people with fairly high IQs. You would think that if behavior was driven by intelligence, that this organization would be full of successful, wealthy, healthy, socially talented, attractive people. It wasn't then and I'm sure it still isn't.

There were quite a few obese people in the group, plenty of unemployed and underemployed, tons (literally) of social outcasts. Many were relationship-challenged. Some hadn't familiarized themselves with hygiene. Some had alcohol and drug addictions.

Then there were those who were delightful and charming people who fit in fine and even excelled at their jobs.

But overall, there seemed to be plenty of overweight people with IQs in the top two percent. How could they not know how to lose weight? Or that being fat is bad for your health and for your love life?

Stupid smart people. I hope they catch on soon!

It's almost 11:00 p.m. and I'm the only one up. I'm not really ready for bed, I've got a lot of thoughts rolling around my head. Lord, please don't let this be one of those nights where I never go to bed.

Some sort of stimulation seems to be in order.

I considered some toffee liqueur. We've got a large bottle taking up room in the fridge. I auditioned it by setting it upon the counter, but it didn't make the cut. So back it goes, taking up room where a warehouse-sized ketchup bottle would be better served.

I considered some rum and ginger ale. No, that really doesn't seem right either. The ginger ale part is working well for me though.

So since starting to write this, mere minutes have passed and the gnawing has begun. Something to eat. Something to chew and swallow. I really don't care if it is carbs or protein, or just fat. Cheese sounds good, as does some of the leftover roast.

I am having a hard time equating the eating feelings with being disgusting. This idea was recently presented to me, but I am not buying it. While I feel disgusted when I see myself in the mirror, I do not feel disgusting when I am eating.

If I were to get out the roast or some cheese and eat some, I would feel (as sick as it seems to even type this) loved and cared for. That is what my head is saying right now anyway. If I were to eat, it wouldn't really be that bad for me, after all I was so good today. Just like every other day, until the night comes and the gnawing feeling overcomes my willpower.

David equates being fed to being loved and cared for as well. Funny, I don't see it as sick when he reacts that way. I guess it is because it is okay for a person without a weight issue to have a love of food. But when I make food for David, or have his dinner ready when he comes home, I know that he feels love from me.

So is food love? Is love food?

Sunday, I had an urge for some steak.

We had recently discovered that Golden Corral, a large all-you-can-eat buffet chain restaurant, serves steak. All you can eat steak, and it was actually very good. So, for the second Sunday in a row, we went to Golden Corral for steak.

Also on Golden Corral's buffet is almost every "illegal" food that exists. Mac and cheese. Corn and butter. Fried chicken, fried zucchini, fried fish, fried okra. Cookies, cakes of chocolate and lemon and carrot. Banana pudding. Ice cream, with various toppings. At the far end of the restaurant, an isolated no-man's land of salad, soup and baked potatoes. All for about $10.

Both times we've visited Golden Corral, I've fully intended to get only the steak and perhaps a piece of fried chicken, and stop when no longer hungry. But I haven't. After all, that wouldn't be worth a whole $10. So both times, I've eaten past full.

Some people have opinions of those who frequent buffets. I read a Las Vegas message board, and of course Las Vegas is the buffet capital of the world. There were many comments on buffet etiquette (or lack thereof), that buffets were for gluttons. On another board, Texas based, someone said that they hated buffets because all the fat people were depressing.

I never feel financially comfortable. There's something inside me that doesn't want to pay too much for things - be it a buffet or a house. Do. Not. Get. Taken.

When we were in Las Vegas at the end of last year, we ate at a buffet restaurant every morning. I didn't overeat like I did at Golden Corral, though. The only difference that I can see is that in Las Vegas, I knew my next breakfast was going to be at a buffet. I didn't have to eat it all now because I could get whatever it was I wanted on the next visit.

I've applied that logic to so many other foods since starting Overcoming Overeating, and those foods now cause me very little concern. Ice cream, once an obsession, is no longer a demon. Same with cheese. Two of my favorite foods, now "legalized" and I don't have to give them up. I even buy some pricey habanero cheese at Costco just for me!

Believe it or not, I think the answer is to eat at Golden Corral a little more often. I need to know that I can go back whenever I want for more steak. I have to take the thrill out of it. It's got to be okay to have a little piece of steak and a little piece of fried chicken for $10 if that is what makes me happy.

 

I feel like eating, specifically bingeing, at very predictable times.

In the mornings, I am not tempted to eat when I'm not hungry. I rarely get the urge to eat a big breakfast. The idea of a diner-style breakfast with bread product, meat product plus eggs makes me feel ill. Plus, for the last couple of years I have taken thyroid medication which requires that I not eat for an hour after taking, so I can give more thought to what I want to eat in the morning.

Times when I do feel like eating include late night, or nighttime if I have had alcohol drinks. Another time I want to eat is the middle of the night. If I wake up, immediately my mind turns to food, specifically a bowl of cereal with either soy or rice milk.

Last night was worse than usual. I think it may have been my worst binge ever. I'd had some rum and Diet Coke while browsing internet sites and doing a little writing. I didn't have that much though, nothing over the top.

At some point the "binge switch" was tripped. I had a craving for eggs, so I cooked two and added some cheese. With that, I had a thinnish slice of toasted homemade cheddar onion bread. Almost immediately following that, I had some leftover chili con queso with some tortilla chips. Then, I had some ice cream.

The amount of food and calories that I consumed in that short amount of time was likely less than the average "American-style" restaurant meal (Friday's, Bennigan's, Denny's, etc.). Yet, for me, it was as though my stomach was filled to overbrimming. When I laid down to try to sleep, I had possibly the worst case of reflux ever. I felt like everything I ate was going to come back out the way it went in. Imagine a spilled soda bottle on its side. That was how I felt.

In retrospect, I think what triggered this binge was that I didn't eat what or when I wanted at all yesterday. I didn't eat at all until dinner time. I fed LD her breakfast, took care of LD when David when to the office and then cooked lunch for them later. I didn't eat at lunch because I planned to go to the gym after David got home and I had fed them. I won't go the gym immediately following a meal.

When I got home from the gym, I was hungry, but we were expecting a visitor so I wanted to either be in the shower (and out of view) or at least clean, so I put off eating.

Finally, when the coast was clear for me to eat, it was dinnertime so I just made a very rushed dinner of leftovers and salad for everyone and ate what I made for them (but less). It was my first food of the day and my meal was about being an example for LD (large salad, vegetables, small entree) and being the manners enforcer rather than fulfilling my hunger. Yes, these were foods I enjoy but I didn't have breakfast or lunch, and I didn't feel taken care of. At all. And not that David and LD are expected to take care of me, but I didn't take care of me.

So I supposed that could have contributed to the binge. At the end of the evening, I was all by myself, just me and the food. And notice, during my binge, not a vegetable in sight!